Parental Infidelity: the myth of 'protecting children'

The common misconception shared by well-intentioned family, friends, some professionals, and even parents, to shield children about the family rupture caused by infidelity - to protect them, is understandable.

 

But according to clinical research, in practice, and by the account of hundreds of parents navigating betrayal, this is rarely what happens.

In a 2025 survey conducted by Dr Kathy Nickerson, PhD, and Angelika Jayaram Broederlow of The Seamless Blend, involving over 500 parents navigating infidelity, almost all reported that their children—across ages and stages—sensed emotional disruption within the household, even when the affair had not been disclosed.

The survey further found that 89% of parents believed their child or children were directly impacted by the infidelity, with only 11% reporting no noticeable impact at all.

Children across all ages and stages, are highly attuned to emotional tone. They notice distance, tension, inconsistency, and changes in connection between parents.

When there is no explanation, they are left to make sense of what they feel and the limited snippets of what they see, hear and understand. As a result, children’s own sense of safety and security become threatened.

Numerous studies investigating the impact of parental infidelity show increased anxiety, confusion, and early mistrust in relationships when children are left without clarity or emotional support.

Children are not passive unaffected bystanders of parental infidelity.

Silence, secrecy, and emotional undercurrents often create more confusion, not less - and the parents who live and breathe the pain of infidelity and family disruption know this.

When there is no explanation, they are left to make sense of what they feel on their own.

More critically, children’s own sense of safety and security are threatened.  Numerous studies investigating the impact of parental infidelity show increased anxiety, confusion, and early mistrust in relationships when children are left without clarity or emotional support.

They experience the shift—whether the infidelity is shared or unspoken, so careful parenting and a nuanced version affair repair for children is required.